Strangers

I have got to learn to be less neurotically uncomfortable around strangers. Every time Justin and I go out with Roxanne, there are several people who stop us, get close to Roxanne and ask all kinds of questions about her and want to touch her hands or cheeks, and generally freak me out. On a logical level, I certainly understand that they are being friendly, and I should appreciate their attention, since it's also just as often that people look at my baby with the same look that they might make if I had brought a two-weeks-dead raccoon into a restaurant. But somehow, it is just hard for me to respond appropriately. I often take the tactic of avoiding eye contact, acting interested in something on the other side of the room, and pretending to not hear the cooing and "oh, look at the baby." I'm pretty sure this makes me sort of a jerk. Honestly though, sometimes people can really be bizarre. Like the women who asked me at Publix if the bottle I was giving my daughter was breast milk. She said she could tell it was because Roxanne was a "fluffy" baby. She then went on to say that it was best for mama and baby. I sort of nodded and smiled. In my mind, I was still puzzling over her use of the word "fluffy." What does that even mean? Until I figure it out, I have been proudly telling my friends that I have it on good authority that I have a "fluffy" baby.

President's Day adventures

I had work off on Monday, so I ran some errands with Roxanne. We drove Justin to work to give him a break from Marta (we share a car, and now that I take Roxanne to day care every morning, he walks to Marta) and then went to Publix. That was a learning experience for me. It was really not too bad, and I carried Roxanne in the sling. She slept for most of the time, but it was a little tough trying to pick things up, etc. They always offer to load your groceries for you, but I always turn them down, since it weirds me out for the same reason I can't get a pedicure; it's too much like having a servant or something. This was the first time I regretted not accepting the help. I was at the Publix on Ponce De Leon right near North Highland, and there are often people in the parking lot sharking around for money or groceries, and it has never bothered me before, but on Monday, I found myself stalling at the exit with my groceries when I spotted a rough looking homeless man talking to the woman parked next to me. He helped her load her car (by putting one bag of groceries in) and then bothered her until she gave him some groceries out of her car. I'm used to this sort of thing, since I work in midtown and live in the city, but it was the first time I've really run into it while being alone with Roxanne. I realized that it made me uncomfortable and defensive. This surprised me.

After Publix, we went home for feeding and napping. We went to pick up Justin for lunch at Highland Bakery but were a little late since Roxanne did an ENORMOUS poop right as we were leaving that necessitated everything short of a bath. After lunch, we headed up to Alpharetta to go to Babies R Us for some necessities. It was sort of an adventure. My mom met us there in the nursing room, which was where I went immediately upon arrival. Roxanne was acting like she hadn't been fed in months, and so I was in a big rush to get her fed. I didn't realize that her diaper had come open on one side, and that she had peed while in my lap. My entire upper inner thigh region was soaked. After she finished eating, my mom helped me change her diaper and outfit and wipe her down, but there was nothing I could do about my pants. The baby books tell you to keep an extra outfit for baby, but not for mom. So I spent the next hour or so with a huge wet spot (see photo) placed right where it would have been if I had peed my pants. People stared. I saw them staring, but found that I didn't really care. It was uncomfortable though. It took me back to that time in second grade when I had an accident in the lunch line and had to wear borrowed sweat pants from the clinic.

After spending an hour or so getting all kinds of little things I needed, I went back to the feeding room to let Roxanne eat again. I was in there for about 20 minutes or so, gabbing with my mom and letting Roxanne have a good meal. When we came out, we discovered that the employees had taken my cart away. It was really frustrating, because you can't take your cart into the area where you can nurse (which is back by the bathrooms) so you have to leave your cart by the entrance. Everyone does this, and I was really disappointed when this happened. We had to go up front and have an employee pull everything out of the infant care bin one by one. I still ended up getting home and realizing that there were several things I had picked out to buy but never got back. Oh well. I guess it made me spend less money... I still very much appreciate the fact that the store offers the nursing room, since it's comfortable, and there are even free diapers and wipes on the changing tables in there, but the whole cart thing was really frustrating. Especially on top of the wet pants.

All in all, it was a memorable day, and I had so much fun with Roxanne. I guess that's one good part about being a working mom. When you get a day off, you enjoy every last second of it. Even the parts where you catch a stranger shifting their eyes from your adorable baby to your suspiciously wet crotch and then to your face, perhaps looking for an explanation, but finding only the smile of a proud parent.

Some thoughts on breastfeeding

I have to say that when I was pregnant, I read lots of books about breastfeeding, I went to a breastfeeding class at Piedmont (which I HIGHLY recommend) and talked to as many women as I could about how to succeed. However, I was sort of dubious towards a lot of these resources. There is this sort of hippy dippy undertone in a lot of the literature that's all very "Earth Mother" and to be honest, I've always found that sort of annoying. I remember at one of my baby showers, which my stepmom held at Pastis in Roswell, I saw a woman with her two toddlers and husband breastfeeding at a table out in the middle of the dining room. Pastis is a very nice restaurant, like with a chef. It struck me as sort of rude to breastfeed in there, and maybe even sort of rude to bring toddlers to such a fancy place. However, that's an entirely different topic. I assumed that I would NEVER breastfeed in public, which I haven't (unless you count the lounge areas of department store bathrooms, where patrons gave me the stink eye while I nursed).

Now I'm sort of coming around to the hippy dippy viewpoints in some ways. My daughter HATES the bottle. Which has been frustrating and upsetting this week, since it's her first week in day care. This also makes it tricky to eat out or even go shopping. I'm starting to feel like I could just tuck her under a blanket and let her nurse through dinner at a local restaurant. It would certainly be easy to do. She's still pretty little right now and isn't too terribly active while eating. But I just don't know if I could do it. People really don't like it.

Also, I've come to really love nursing Roxanne. She is so affectionate, and holds onto me while eating. She sometimes looks up at me while she's eating, and I think about how content I can make her and how much I am giving her by breastfeeding, and it really melts my heart. Sometimes she is in a playful mood while she eats and smiles at me and wriggles around, all the while being very sure to stay eating. There are also times when she is very businesslike, and focused on her task at hand. If her daddy tries to kiss her while she's in this mood, she swats an arm at him, like he's a threat. These are moments I will treasure when she is a big kid, and no longer nestled up to me, our breathing falling into the same pattern as I ruffle and smooth her baby hair.

One more week of paradise

I'm going back to work a week from today. Every time I think about it, I get a little choked up. But I'm trying to stay positive and enjoy this last week as much as possible.

Justin and I are still waging war with Roxanne over taking a bottle. We've tried three different bottles so far, and she hates them all equally. I know she will eventually settle enough and take one, since she's not a child to miss meals, but it's tough to see her get so upset. Yesterday I bought some Playtex orthodontic nipples to try, and it would be lovely if those worked, since we have a ton of Playtex drop-ins stuff. I had been buying it up while I was still pregnant, not realizing that it's not always up to parents which bottle will be best... I was planning on buying an Adiri bottle, since they just started carrying them at Babies R Us, but they didn't have any when I went yesterday. They had them a week ago... I know those things sell like hot cakes, so maybe they were sold out. In the end, I would have been frustrated to buy a $12 fancy bottle if Roxanne ended up not liking it anyways. They look cool, and the lactation consultant at Piedmont recommended them, but I'm just not sure.

We also bought diapers for the first time yesterday. Can you believe that? My sister and brother-in-law threw us a diaper shower, and we had enough to last us until now. We actually still have some more from the shower, but we were running low, so we went ahead and bought some more. We've been using Pampers, but bought Huggies last night to try. The Pampers tend to leak with Roxanne, and when she was still in the teeny size, the Huggies were the best for her shape.

Isn't it amazing how much time new parents spend thinking about bottles, diapers and the bodily functions of their baby? I wouldn't trade it for the world.